blog days of summer

Oh, hello blog! I've missed you since you've been off on your long vacay. Tell me, where did you go? I hear the Cayman Islands are nice this time of year. Many interesting species of birds. What's that? You missed me too? Oh go on, blog. Do go on.

the saddest part about having no friends...

On the weekends I go to the mall because that's where the Indonesians hide their groceries and their English books. When I go there I pass a creperie called "D'Crepes" and every time I think, "Oh man, that place gives me d'crepes." But alas, no one ever chuckles. Except me. And then everyone looks. Sigh.

a recently recovered real-live essay from one dear little student's final exam

"A person's life is smells and touches and feel eats drinks. Anyone has a normal life. Someone wakes up and eats breakfast. And goes to work comes at the afternoon. Someone sleeps or naps and stays for dinner."

I gave an extra point for unintentional poetry.

shoes subtitle: why it takes forever to do anything in a room rull of 11 year olds

"Miss! Amr Mostafa* called me shoes!" Fady says breathlessly as he runs to the front of the room.

"He called you what?"

"Shoes."

"Shoes like those things?" I point to his feet.

"Yes." He says after looking down to make sure.

"Is that an insult?"

"What is the meaning of insult?"

"Insult, like donkey is an insult."

"Yes like this."

"Amr Mostafa!"

"Yes miss?" Amr Mostafa runs up to the front.

"Did you call Fady shoes?"

"He hit me!"

I look at Fady. "I hit him because he took my pen!"

I look at Amr. "But he say to me take it."

"Told me to take it. Not say to me."

"Yes."

"Say, 'He told me to take it.'"

"He told me to take it."

"Fady don't hit. Amr don't call people shoes. And bring a pen to school. Use your brains. Go sit." This satisfies them, and they happily hit and kick each other as they go back to their seats.






*Names have been changed for the sake of the children.

"chaina" means "no" in nepali, apparently subtitle: international who's on first

"Where are you from?" We ask.
"Korea," answers he.
"China?" says the Nepali hostel owner-guy.
"Chaina. Korea," So-and-So responds.
"Wait, you're from China? "
"No, Korea."
"Oh."
"China," says hostel guy again.
"Chaina. Korea."
"Wait. What?" I lean over to Abby. "Seriously where the hell is this guy from?"

i heard things

Apparently, there has been some talk. Some nay-saying. A few allegations and some bloody well uncalled for references to my FORMER frosting-eating habit. (As if your dirty little chat room typing fingers weren't in there too, Houston. Well...perhaps you used a spoon. But a dirty little chat room...spooning...spoon. Take that!) It seems my incredibly supportive family thinks I will get lazy and cease to blog. Well go ahead and say all of your nays, O Sayers of Nay! Blog I came here to do and blog I will! (Cue patriotic music.)

Wherever there's a family doing their damndest and still not making ends meet, I'll be there!
Wherever there is a regular joe fighting for his small-town dream, I'll be there!
Basically wherever there is a real life occurrence of some schmaltzy crap Mitch Albom is probably plotting up right now, god damn it I'll be there.

I mean I won't be helping, I'll be writing blogs about it.

step one: show the reader you care

So I've decided to bite the bullet, take the plunge, use a wide array of relevant cliches and start a blog. You can see that. You can also see that I am an incredibly interesting person, both by the title of the blog and the fact that I've chosen "Minima Dark" as my template.

Welcome to my blog, O Mysterious Reader. Come, sit next to me right here where I pat invitingly upon the couch. Bring a cup of coffee. For me. For yourself, bring a cookie. Okay no the cookie is for me too. To dip into my coffee which if you know anything you know is God's greatest gift to humankind. It was very kind of you to remember how much I like that! We are going to get along, I can see. As long as you keep in line and find all of my witticisms dreadfully witty, and then proceed to post comments on that same subject so as to let me know you care. There, that's a good reader. I love you. And I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that. I just get crazy sometimes because I love you so much. It'll never happen again. I'm sorry.